Soundless Regrets
by Aria Iris
Summary: Yuuko is jealous of what Hideyoshi have that she doesn't, but she'll regret it. Hide/Yuu one sided.


Okay, a rather darkish fic this time. Sorry for bad grammars, and sorry if I did wrong on some parts- Warning: this fic contains incest (one-sided though), angst, forced plot (maybe) and character death. Forgive me! Inspired by several doujins and Soundless Voice, Valshe's version [inspired not songfic ok] (composed by hitoshizukuP).

**.x.x.x.**

_**Jealousy.**_

Yuuko hates to admit that she sometimes lost to Hideyoshi.

Even amongst the boys, he's more popular. He's also good at singing, what Yuuko couldn't do at all. He have nice and kind friends that sees him as what he is, even that those friends are huge idiots. He has a talent and a huge dream when Yuuko is still confused of what she should do with her own talents.

He could do what an idiot does without getting ashamed of it- though Yuuko hates it, it just proofed that Hideyoshi's freer than she is.

_He's free. She's not._

Their parents expected too much of her. Her friends expected too much of her. Her teachers expected too much of her. She's not free.

That's why…she really hates him.

They look the same, but why are they so…different?

_**Drop.**_

Yuuko gets a fever after studying too hard and pulls an all-nighter for one week. She tried to proof that she's better than him in any ways, and it sure will only harm herself. She hates her pride sometimes, and the fact that she can only lies in the bed right now. Her parents' warning was right; she shouldn't try too hard.

Besides, she couldn't be him anyway.

"Um—sis? It's okay if I come in, right?" a voice that's familiar for her echoes from outside the door of her room. It was no other than Hideyoshi's. Responding with a small "Okay", Yuuko actually doesn't feel like seeing his face, but she thinks it won't cause any harm.

Hideyoshi slowly opens the door, and walks inside. Yuuko stares at him, waiting for him to say or do something so she could make this quick. He sat beside her bed without saying a thing. The silence of the room bugs Yuuko a little.

"What do you want, actually?" says Yuuko angrily, covering her face with her blanket. Hideyoshi looks at her for a while, before finally saying something.

"Is it wrong if I want to visit you? I…I just…" A pause as he thinks for a while. "…ah yeah, Kirishima and Kudou are worried about you. But that's not it…what should I say…"

Yuuko realizes that there's something wrong with him. But it'll be better if she just stay silenced, she thinks. It's for the best to observe the situation. At least, until Hideyoshi holds her hands with those soft hands of his.

"…I'm worried. Get well soon." He smiles. Yuuko pulls her hands back in shock with a blushing face, and the boy just responds with another smile and a sweat-drop.

"Y—yeah, I'll be fine by tomorrow. Is that the only thing you want to say?" She tried to keep calm, but it's just not working. His hands are really soft. It's been a while since she actually held those hands, last time is probably their childhood. But it just triggers more of her jealousy—_why should a boy's hand be softer than hers?_

"Not only that, actually…" Hideyoshi smiles. Yuuko began to think that smile isn't really bad. But before she could say anything so he could hurry up and say something-

"You know, sister? An agency just picked me. They saw my talents on stage before this, and they said they needed someone like me…I'm so excited, I'll be an actual pro actor!" a bright smile that's definitely not for her.

Yuuko knew it's going to happen sooner or later. Yuuko knew it was Hideyoshi's dream. But she feels something is wrong.

Why does it must be him who gets whatever he wants?

"…ah, so that's it. You're here to show off, aren't you?" she smirked. It wasn't a happy smirk. She was jealous. She was full of hatred she even began to hate herself. Hideyoshi tries to explain.

"-That's not it! I think you'll be happy for me and support me-"

"There's no way I'm going to get happy for it!" Yuuko yells before hitting him with a pillow.

Hideyoshi now looks disappointed as he returns the pillow to where do it belongs.

"Even that….I wants you to support me the most…"

_**Distance.**_

They grew even more distanced than ever after that happens. Even after Yuuko healed.

Hideyoshi is too busy with his new job and Yuuko doesn't even bother to try watching one of the shows he's starring at. Hideyoshi tries to convince her to do so but no results at all. It tires him at last, and he decides not to bug her and live his own life, but every time she said she won't, he always has the same sad eyes. Yuuko realizes that.

Yuuko have actually forgiven him, but she's lets her pride won every time and as the distances grew larger, she decided couldn't do anything about it. She always feels sorry when the sad shades with the same green as her stare at her, but she doesn't know what to do.

Is she going to regret it?

She thinks he'll be alright. It's her brother she's talking about. Even if he's not as perfect in studies like she is, he's better than her in other ways.

_**Disconnect.**_

It takes two months before he completely closes himself from her. Yuuko doesn't even know the reason; he never wants to talk about it and only responded with a fake smile when asked. Yuuko knew Hideyoshi could do better than that in case of a fake smile, that's where she deducts something is really wrong.

"Seriously! What is with you lately!" it's harsh, but it's the only way Yuuko could know to communicate with him without him using that fake smile again. It usually worked, but…

"Sister, don't worry, it's really none of your problems." It doesn't work. The same fake smile is still there, accompanied with the same sad eyes. It annoys Yuuko more than anything, for reasons she doesn't even know.

"It is wrong if I want to know?" Yuuko crosses her arms. "You bug me a lot, now when I'm bugging you, you won't tell? Is that even fair? I tried to be caring here, and you don't react at all?

He says something too small her ears couldn't catch with it.

"….What is it! Repeat it out loud!" she complains.

"Y-You" he began to say something in a loud voice, and turns around to her. "You won't care anyway, sis!" he yells and began to cry.

After that, he ran away.

_She tried to convince him to telling her what's wrong. It won't work._

_**Tears.**_

Three months have passed and still no progress. They are even more distanced than ever. Yuuko doesn't know what's going on and thinks she shouldn't care much about it anymore.

"Kinoshita-san"

Yuuko turns around to find a brown-haired boy, a figure she knew by the name Akihisa Yoshii. She also knew he was one of Hideyoshi's best friends. She just can't ignore him, so she decides to say; "Yes? What is it?"

"Do you know where Hideyoshi is?" as Yoshii finished saying that sentence, Yuuko says "…He's staying at home, he said he's not feeling well". That answer left Yoshii sighing and Yuuko feeling guilty for not knowing much about what's going on with him.

"He's been acting strange lately. I also heard some nasty rumors circulating, but…" Yuuko widens her eyes. She never heard anything about rumors of him after he becomes famous. It is probably because he won't tell more about it…

"Tell me more about that." Is what came outside Yuuko's mouth in reflect. Yoshii looks surprised and said "You don't know?" before he looks around him. He decides the hallway is safe enough to say about it, but he still covers the side of his mouth with his palm and speaks in small voice, and begins to say things Yuuko just couldn't believe about Hideyoshi, which left her in shock.

But before she could react on anything….

"…Well, those rumors are probably fake ones, since I heard about someone trying to spread it to drop his popularity…" Yoshii whispers and then continues. "Hideyoshi told me not to say this to anyone, but I find horrible mails on his phone's inbox, which I accidentally saw a month ago."

This is even more shocking for her. But she kept on listening.

"I heard that a young actress was going to fill for his role before they found him. She was too ambitious that she decides to do nasty things to get Hideyoshi out of her way…" Yoshii looks sad too now, but Yuuko is even more shocked.

"…There's no way….why won't he told me anything about it?"

"That's what I want to ask too! He never told us about it and always tries to be like what he's used to be but he's just different and we're just guessing about it. We tried to help but he said no problem! I thought you would know what's actually going on!" he really looks mad and yells, much to Yuuko's shock. Tears began to fall from her eyes and she doesn't even think of what does she does and how will it ruin her reputation. She ran away from him, trying to find a comfort. Maybe she'll call home, say 'sorry' to Hideyoshi. But a mail arrived at her phone.

That mail is sent an hour ago but has just arrived now due to her turning on her phone.

_To: Sister_

_From: Hideyoshi_

_Yuuko, I love you and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't say more._

_Thanks for everything._

She decides to return to Yoshii and say that something is really wrong and tried to send a reply, but after that when she's still tries to find Yoshii another mail came into her phone. It was sent right five minutes before she turns on the phone.

_To: Yuuko_

_From: Mom_

_I told the teachers you can come home already. _

_This might be a shock for you, but…_

_Your brother is found dead after secretly going out of the house two hours ago._

Akihisa Yoshii is shocked to find Yuuko Kinoshita crying, and asking him "Tell me who is the rumored actress is"

_**Revenge.**_

An alleyway, one day after all of that happens.

"I didn't kill him!" the blonde girl cried as the brunette gave her another punch. "Besides, are you okay with this? I could sue you for this!"

It doesn't make the brunette—Yuuko—stop at all.

"I could sue you for bullying and killing" Yuuko says in a cold tune before punching her again and leaving the blonde in shock; she doesn't want everyone to know. "Okay, a deal. You tell me what actually happened and say sorry to Hideyoshi, and I'll let you go."

"Fine!" she coughs blood, "But I won't say sorry! Someone like him…someone that takes away my fame doesn't deserve a sorry—"

Another punch from Yuuko, but aimed to the wall. The blonde is shaking in fear as Yuuko grabs her collar, ready to do the same punch to her.

"And you took his life. Is it fair? Life and fame doesn't equal." She says coldly, still grabbing her collar.

"I…I'm…I'm sorry!" she cried. "I…I'll tell you everything. That…that _jerk_, even that he's a guy, he takes what's everything for me, and…" she gulps.

"Then?"

"S…so…I took his everything." She smirks, an evil one. "….I bullied him during our times together. Acting so nice before bam! I even convinced the others too." She laughs. Yuuko couldn't help but feel disgusted by this person. She might look beautiful, but she's just pure rotten. Just because of that…just because of that… Hideyoshi's….

"Even got my male friends to rape him, and record it for blackmailing, so he can't tell anyone about it. Isn't it just fun…?"

Yuuko punches the wall again and stares at the girl's eyes coldly. The girl only laughs and continues on and tells everything—Yuuko couldn't feel anything but disgusted and the feel of guilty. If only she forced him to tell everything, he could be saved….

Why?

_Why doesn't she help him?_

"And then, one day, when he's skipping school out of depression…I told him I'm sorry via phone and that we need to talk. Of course, it's just a lie" the girl does a wicked giggle, "But he's too naïve and he actually came. I actually tried to push him off a rooftop; I never thought it would actually kill him for real! I'm glad there are no eyewitnesses! I'm so lucky it was count as a suicide!"

She laughed. Yuuko gives her another strong punch, and begins to drop tears from her eyes. The girl only laughs harder.

"Poor guy isn't he?" she laughs,"His _beloved_ sister only began to care when he's _dead. _You know? He loved you more than a sister but you never cared about him~"

Yuuko couldn't help it. She kept on punching and says while crying.

"Shut up! I know that!" she cries. "If only…if only I could rewind time, I will help him!"

She kept on punching while the girl does a maniacal laugh.

"I…I hate myself for not helping him! I always do! I'm just jealous…If only…" she broke down into tears and fell into the ground. His fake smile and sad eyes still plays in her mind. She lost count how much she regretted the whole thing.

Before the girl could run away, another girl comes into the scene.

"That's enough, Yuuko." A small tap on the brunette's shoulder by a green-haired girl she's familiar with. "I recorded everything. Now, let's go." Aiko lends a hand for her and lets her stand from the ground, still in tears. The girl looks in shock.

"B—but you won't spread it around, right?" she forces a smile. "I...It's a deal, right?"

"You didn't say sorry to her brother for real, so we're going to show this to the police" Aiko smirks as she plays the recorder in her hand.

_**Voice.**_

_How are you, Hideyoshi? It has been two years, isn't it?_

_I still regretted not saving you. But I'll try my best to make up to it!_

"Sure, I was shocked you didn't really go to jail after beating her up, Kinoshita-san…Ah, that's not like it! I'm glad that insane girl went to jail instead of you!" Yoshii says with a strong tune. Yuuko only smiles in return. She and the F-class members have become close friends since her brother's death, sharing the same grudge and sadness. Right now she met Yoshii when she's visiting his grave. Before this, she met Himeji, Shimada, Sakamoto (and her own class leader Shouko who's dating him), Tsuchiya, and even the scary F-class members with robes like Sugawa and his gangs.

He sure is loved, isn't it?

_I won't be visiting you this often anymore, since I'm going to America for college._

_I've decided not to become jealous anymore and actually did something._

_Thank you._

She raises her head and gazes at the sky, before turning around again to Yoshii.

"Well…I'm glad too." She smiles.

"Anyways, do your best, Kinoshita-san! But please don't be like my older sister...Ah, yeah, talking about sister-brother relationship…" Yoshii looks a bit sad now. Yuuko realizes that.

"…Hideyoshi…loves you isn't he…" he turns around to her with his sad, yellowish eyes.

"I…don't know how exactly I feel about him." Yuuko says in confusion, with a blushing face. Yoshii responds with a smile. Yuuko stares back at the sky. "I'm sorry I couldn't answer…" a small tear runs down her cheeks.

Right at that moment, Yuuko heard a whisper right into her ears.

"_It's okay; don't think much of it….It just my selfish wish after all."_

She turns around to find no one besides Yoshii. Was it just an illusion? She doesn't know.

_But she knew, it was a good illusion. _

"Now, I got to go. Got to prepare for tomorrow" Yuuko smiles at the brown-haired boy who nods and says he'll be here a little longer.

As she walks with a new hope, she whispers to herself.

A tiny whisper that left a wandering soul in peace.

**.x.x.x.**

Afternote: Hahaha, a Bakatest angst in which Hideyoshi dies. Everyone in my Twitter TL doubted about this before but I actually tried to make it ok. I'm sorry, Hideyoshi, I killed you off in this, I still love you *kicked* ;_; What does Yuuko whispers at the end? It's up to your imagination. And whoa, over 2000 words?


End file.
